Dealing With Grief - How to Express Your Condolences for a Loved One

It can be difficult to know what to say when someone passes away. Death is often an uncomfortable topic, making it hard to express your feelings of condolence and sympathy to the survivor. Here are some effective ways you can express your condolences based on what is appropriate and what you feel the most comfortable with.


A Letter of Condolence

Back before technology made instant communication the norm, letters were the traditional way of expressing condolences. Even with the other options available, they are still a good way to show your support and concern. The main benefit with letters of condolences is that they can be read when it is convenient and re-read as often as needed. They can be shared with others to help with the grieving process.

When writing a letter of sympathy and condolence, you should always think about the person to whom you are writing as well as the deceased. Your letter should reflect the relationship you have or had with each person. Stay true to your personality. If you are a more formal person, then it is appropriate that your letter also sound more formal. On the other hand, if you are more laid-back and casual, your letter can also demonstrate that. Don’t be concerned that there is a right or wrong way to sound in a letter.

Messages of Condolence

Thanks to the internet, you can now send messages of support as soon as you hear the sad news of someone's death. This allows you to offer support immediately, often when it is most needed. A quick text message or email can let the person know you heard the news and are offering your condolences without going into great detail. This is also a good method for those people that prefer short messages.

When writing a message, remember that you can keep it short and sweet. The person reading the message may be busy so it is acceptable to get right to the point. If you feel that you need to say more, you can follow up with a letter or phone call at a later time.

Flowers

If you do not know the family or didn't know the deceased very well but want to express your condolences, it is perfectly acceptable to just send flowers or a financial donation to the organization of the family's choice.

A simple card with a single message can convey your sympathies without requiring you to compose an entire message. This option is appropriate for many situations, including when the person is a co-worker that you only knew by name or someone you knew in passing in the community. Just make sure you include your full name so the person knows who the card came from.

A Phone Call or In-Person Visit

A phone call or personal visit is often the appropriate method of conveying your condolences when it is someone you knew very well or were related to. However, many people are not sure what to say and avoid the one-on-one interaction. The important thing to remember is that it is the fact that you called that the bereaved will remember more than what you say. In fact, don't feel like you have to say a great deal besides "I'm sorry for your loss" or some other version.

If you are comfortable talking about the deceased, you can communicate your feelings to the person. It is appropriate to reminisce about special memories or occasions. You can even tell a funny story about the deceased person without feeling guilty. In fact, it may be just what the other person needed to hear after all of the somber moments and sadness they have been feeling.

Timing

The timing of when to express your condolences through the various methods can vary. There is no hard and fast rule. For instance, if you just heard about someone's death even though it was six months ago, you can send a letter or email stating that you just learned of the news. You never know when your message could come at a good time to cheer them up. Grief extends long past the funeral or memorial service.

You can also prepare the way for a phone call or visit through a letter or message by saying that you will talk with them next week or in a couple of weeks.

Your Choice

Any of these methods are acceptable ways of expressing your condolences for a loved one. The choice is up to you based on the situation and what you feel most comfortable with. After all, it is more important that the bereaved feel your support than in how you choose to show it.


Suzie Kolber is a writer at http://obituarieshelp.org/words_of_condolences_hub.html . The site is a complete guide for someone seeking help for writing words of condolences, sympathy messages, condolence letters and funeral planning resources.

Would you like to write an article about dealing with grief?  Send query to - lchwriter@gmail.com

MOTIVATION MONDAY - Goals

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. C. S. Lewis

Moving Forward - Editing

The next step with my book is sending it to an editor. I will be honest that step scared me to death. I took two extra weeks going over it again adding things and telling myself it’s not ready.

If you’re writing a book, please do not do this to your self. Set deadlines and send your book on.

For me not submitting my stories has been a big issue with me. I get scared and put them in the closet telling myself, they aren’t ready.

I have five books in the closet that I said aren’t ready. This year I decided I was taking them out of the closet and have one last look before I submit them to an editor.

They will never see another reader’s eyes if I don’t get them out of my closet.

Moving forward is my mantra this year and I will move forward even it means knocking my own self over the head to get past my fears.

Are you moving forward with your writing?

Podcast Friday - The Literary Entrepreneur Podcasts

The Literary Entrepreneur Podcasts are podcasts created by Tyora Moody.  She shares information on how to market your book.

http://theliteraryentrepreneur.com/category/podcast/

Check out her book:

The Literary Entrepreneur's Toolkit: Building and Managing an Online Presence for Authors

Help Me Choose My Book Title - Part 2

One of the first lessons I learned when I was a member of RWA was not to get attached to your book title.  Sometimes the publishers will changes your title to what they want.  Which meant for me I never put too much into a title?  Most times, I’d called the manuscript by the heroine's name.

When you decide to self-publish your book, you are the publisher and you come up with the great titles.  I never imagined coming up with a title that fit the book would be such a pain.

You have all these ideas in your head but when you have to sit down and put it all on paper, it’s hard.

I came up with 10 titles and I asked you and a few writers’ friends to help decide which title was the best.  I received some good feedback.  Some wanted me to have brand in the title, some wanted guide, some wanted promotion, some didn’t like the main title, See Ya On The Net.

As I researched creating a good title, I found:

The title has to convey what’s inside the book.   

The title has to pop in order to grab the reader’s attention.

The title has to say what the book will deliver.   

Now tell me that’s not hard to come up with?

I couldn't move to the next step of finding a book cover because I didn’t like the titles I came up with.

The book is a guide to helping you, so I knew I wanted to keep that term.  The book is more about making a promotion plan.  So I kept messing with it. 

I decided I didn’t want to give up my tag line – See Ya On The Net.  That’s LaShaunda.  That’s how I signed my emails since I came on the net.  That’s what I titled my blog when I started blogging.  That’s my brand.  I didn’t want to recreate a brand just for this book.  I have always been about being on the net and using the net as a way to introduce yourself.  That’s what this book is all about.

I popped into my business coach group and asked for a little help and this is what we came up with.

SEE YA ON THE NET

The Ultimate Guide To Become a Book Promotion Star: 
Create Your Unique Plan of Action

The title says everything I wanted it to say and tells you what you need to know.

How did I do?

On Tour With Lori Soard

Today I have a guest blogger, Lori Soard. Lori is one of the first writers I met online. I love that she is always willing to share her knowledge of writing.

Why I Started Writing

People often ask me when I first knew I wanted to be a writer, but the answer really isn’t an easy one. You see, I can’t remember a time in my life when I wasn’t hearing stories, reading stories and living out stories. Sometimes I wonder if I could have been anything other than a writer.

My mother and father were big on storytelling. From the time I was a baby, they would read to me and tell me bedtime stories. Probably even more influential was my mother’s family. They were from Appalachia and when we would visit, they would all sit around and tell stories about family, people they knew, and things that happened in the mountains. Some of it was folklore, some was gossip and some was just intriguing.

Barbie Soaps

I always loved my Barbie dolls and my mom would have Guiding Light and Dark Shadows (the 70s version) playing in the background. My mother never stifled my creativity. She didn’t care if I made a huge mess creating a Barbie house out of books and knick knacks. Instead, she would help me figure out how to make a bed for my Barbies, what to use for a table and so on. I would fill up my room with a house with book walls and furniture and she never said a word. I realize now that most moms would have freaked out over this mess.

My Barbies lived out some pretty dramatic moments, even in those early years. As an only child, these dolls were often my only companions. The hours I spent coming up with the stories of their lives helped me learn to live in a make believe world and come up with a plot that worked.

Geraldine

My dad and I had a tradition every night. He would come and tell me a story about Geraldine Giraffe. Good old Geraldine was always getting into some sort of trouble. The stories were hilarious and always ended with the other animals helping Geraldine out. I am putting some of these into a book now and I’m so excited about it. As I got a little older, he would ask me to add to the story and would let me tell him stories.

He had also read somewhere that studying vocabulary makes kids smarter, so we would play a game with words out of Reader’s Digest. He would say the word and I would guess the meaning and then we’d learn the real meaning. It was a bit like the game Balderdash, but without points or competition.

Learning to Read

I can remember my first grade teacher so vividly. Mrs. Young was everything that Mrs. Deerman (my mean and cranky kindergarten teacher) wasn’t. She was kind, encouraging and she loved books. She taught us how to sound out words and how to string them together and read sentences. She loved the written word and it came through in her teaching. She made me fall in love with it, too.

She encouraged me to read books that were challenging and was my cheerleader when I finished them. I don’t think I ever stopped reading after finishing that first book. I still love to read today. One of my favorite things is to discover a new author I’ve not read before. Right now, I am reading a book by one of my writer friends, Becky McGraw. I’ve recently read Richard Paul Evans, Karen Kingsbury and I am getting ready to read a book by John Green. My reading is very eclectic.

The Light Bulb Moment

As you can probably tell from my childhood, I grew up reading, listening to stories, making up stories and eventually writing round robin stories with my best friends in high school (we would each add a little and exchange between classes). I had always journaled, always written short stories, already lived in my own world, which family and friends affectionately call “Lori La La Land”. However, it never occurred to me you could make money writing. I was in college to get an English teaching degree. I had to take some electives and thought I’d take some journalism classes because they seemed related. Our first assignment was to find a local business, write an article answering “Who, What, Where, When and Why” and submit it to our local newspapers.

I wrote an article about a local exotic farm. It was so much fun. I also adore animals and I got to go to this man’s farm in Greenfield, where I was living. It was “Skunk” Irving, founder of Irving Materials (a concrete company). I didn’t realize just how important he was to be honest. I was young and green and fascinated with the llamas. He was wonderful to me. Answered all my questions, posed for photos. A friend of his also had camels and worked with me to answer questions and take photos.

I completed my assignment and sent it to our local newspaper, assuming it would never see the light of day. They called me and wanted to know if they could print it and they would pay me $25. I was ecstatic. Publish it and pay me? Heck yeah! Yes, I was very green.

The next week, the article came out on the front page of the paper. It was like someone shone a light on my life. I had never thought about writing for a living. You could make money doing something this much fun? I started my first book the next day and I’ve never looked back. Today, I am a full-time writer, mixing fiction, non-fiction and business writing/promotion (websites, press releases, etc.) to make living.

Are some people meant to be writers? I think so. I think it is definitely a combination of childhood influences and interests that shape us into who we are. If writing has always been a dream of yours, what is holding you back? Even if you only write one page a day, you will have a book by the end of the year. I encourage you to follow that dream. Your life will never be the same.

Lori Soard has a PhD in Journalism but she's hardly the stuffy professor type. She enjoys writing romantic comedies, such as Finding Ms. Right, gets excited over a good comedy and has even seen one of her books turned in a Manga comic. When she isn't working on fiction, she is writing articles and designing websites.

------------ Visit my websites:

LoriSoard.com  PromoDivas.com (websites, promotion, content writing, social media)

RatRaceMutiny.com

CrabbyHousewife.com

Curly Sister - Khara Campbell

Tell us a little about you and when and why you decided to start wearing your hair naturally?

I was born and raised in Nassau, The Bahamas however I currently reside in Maryland with my husband and three children. I am the author of debut novel Not My Will which was released March 11th. Aside from being an author, my husband and I run a small business and I am also a bookkeeper and office manager for two other small local businesses. I started transitioning in 2000 because I was tired of the damage to my hair from getting perms, I also wanted to embrace my natural hair texture. I did my big chop in 2001 and haven't looked back since. I also had locs in my hair for about two years, I combed them out because I wanted to be more versatile with my natural hair.

What was your biggest hair obstacle to overcome?

I've been natural since 2001 so the biggest obstacle was doing my big chop. I wasn't sure if I would like my hair that short or if others would as well.

What are three products you can't live without for your hair?

1. Tea Tree Deep conditioner
2. Miss Jessie curly pudding
3. Hair and scalp oil.

What are your favorite styles to wear?

1. Braids
2. Afro Puff
3. Twists

What natural site/blogs so you follow?

To name a few:

CurlyNikki.com
Keepitkinky.net
Natural Hair Daily

Any advice for the newly natural sister?

Find yourself a hair stylist that REALLY caters to natural hair. Not every beautician knows how to care for your natural hair. Also learn what works for your hair, a product that may work for someone else may not work for your hair. I've had many trials and errors over the years. I've also had some beauticians damage my hair because they weren't used to styling natural hair.

Do you have a site/blog/facebook to follow?

http://kharacampbell.blogspot.com/

 twitter: @KharaCampbell instagram: @KharaCampbell

Would you like to be my next Curly Sister? I have slots available for JUN/JUL/AUG. Send an email to lchwriter@gmail.com

Writing Motivation - Show Don't Tell

Deeanne Gist shares a tip on Showing and not telling.



Happy Writing

Are You Taking Care Of You?

The first time I realized I wasn’t taking care of me was in 2005. I was in a wedding gown store with my sister trying on bridesmaid gowns. I asked for a six and it fell off of me. My eyes filled with tears. When did I lose weight? The lady returned with a size 2 and it fit.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t like what I saw. I was too thin almost anorexic. I’d turned from the caregiver to needing care.

My mom had been ill and I’d been taking care of her, working a full time job, working on SORMAG, writing my books and being a mother and wife. I wasn’t superwoman and I couldn't continue pretending I was.

I wish I could admit that I immediately got better with taking care of me, but I had to have a few more wake up calls, before it hit me. There is only one LaShaunda. If you don’t take care of LaShaunda there will be no LaShaunda.

Last year I decided to eat a little better and to exercise more. I did a different challenge each month and that was my exercise.

This year I decided I wanted a little more, so this week I signed my family up for the local gym. My goal is to get us there at least twice a week.

Getting into an exercise routine can be hard, but you have to start somewhere. I never saw myself as a gym person, but I also never saw myself in a size 2 again, so things can change.

Before you say what's wrong with a size 2, that was in 2005 this is 2014. I'm a size 8 now. I like it and I want to maintain it.

I’m working toward a better me, a healthier me, because I have things to do and I plan on being here to enjoy them.

Are you taking care of YOU? What are you doing to stay healthy?

Help Me Choose My Book Title

I thought I was ready to move to the cover stage of this self publishing journey. Unfortunately I’m not. To create a cover you have to have a title. I’m still stuck on the title.

I had a title, but everyone said it was too much and so I researched titles and learned short is better. Now I can’t decide on what to use. I need some help. Will you tell me what works for you?

The book is about how to promote your book online.

1. See Ya On The Net – Reaching Readers Online

2. See Ya On The Net – Online Book Promotion

3. See Ya On The Net – How To Make Time For Online Book Promotion

4. See Ya On The Net – Building Your Online Brand

5. See Ya On The Net – Creating An Online Brand

6. See Ya On The Net – How To Promote Your Book Online

7. See Ya On The Net- Building An Online Brand

8. See Ya On The Net – Making Time For Promotion

9. See Ya On The Net – The Guide to Online Promotion

10. See Ya On The Net - The Guide To Creating An Online Promotion Plan

In the comments, choose the one you like.

None of these work for you. I'm game for suggestions.

Book Of The Week: When Perfection Fails by Tyora Moody

About the Book

Reverend Jonathan Freeman and his wife Lenora are quickly becoming Charlotte’s “it” couple. All eyes are on them as Jonathan is named pastor of a church following the death of his father and Lenora has become a sought-after wedding planner. The Freemans are media darlings and a model couple; the picture of perfection. Or are they? Behind the scenes, Jonathan struggles with his role as pastor of a megachurch while Lenora grows increasingly and uncharacteristically distant. A number of odd and tragic incidents push her further away from the love of her life and the façade of perfection begins to crack. A carefully guarded secret catches up with Lenora and it threatens her security as well as that of her family. Has an imperfect past finally caught up with her? Will the ghost of someone she thought long dead rise like Lazarus from the grave and destroy all she has worked to preserve? Or will Lenora fight to protect the man she loves and the beautiful life God has blessed her to have?

BLOG TOUR: The Big Picture Interactive Bible for Kids, David and Goliath Edition LeatherTouch: Connecting Christ Throughout God's Story

Kids can now be engaged in Bible reading and study as never before, seeing scenes from the Bible literally pop off the page via a free downloadable app that lets them view the images in an augmented reality format, as well as listen to narration of the event.

This full color, fully designed Bible includes features to help kids experience the Bible including call outs of key Bible stories, definitions, memory verses and more, all designed to get kids digging into and learning the Bible for life.

Together kids and parents can enjoy the Christ Connections and Big Questions and Answers call outs that show God's story unfolding from the beginning of time and how we fit into his plan.

This meets children in the visual world they are so accustomed to, bringing Bible pages to life. Over 400,000 individual participants, 40,000 plus groups, and 7,000 plus churches have already started their journey with LifeWay's Gospel Project, making this the perfect companion for the Gospel Project for Kids curriculum.

This is part of the Big Picture brand, which includes The Big Picture Interactive Bible Storybook, The Big Picture of What God Has Always Wanted, and The Big Picture: Making God the Main Focus in Your Life. Augmented reality narrations by Jenna Lucado.

MY REVIEW

When I agreed to be a part of this book tour, I was expecting a comic book looking book to show up. How wrong I was. I was impressed with the book that I received. It has a leather feel and resembles a real bible. Which impressed my son, he liked having a big boy's bible.

I loved that it was an easy to read bible and its interactive which is great for my son who loves anything he can do on the computer. I’m looking forward to the conversations I will have with my son as he reads his new bible. I like the Big Questions, Christ Connection, Versus To Remember, Parent connection and Seeing The Big picture sessions throughout the bible.

I can see him using this bible for many years.

I highly recommend it as the perfect gift for a young reader 5 – 13. Because it’s such an easy bible to read, your teenager might enjoy it too if they don’t think the cartoons are too childish.

Writing Fears: Choosing To Self Publish

Self publishing has always been in the back of my mind, since I started writing. I met a lot of writers who are indi publishers and I’ve always admired their courage to take their writing into their own hands.

I think what has stopped me was I’m from the old school of writing wanting some big publisher to say they loved my book and give me a big check to publish it. Yeah I had that dream for years.

As I learned more about the business, I found out why a lot of people were publishing their own books. Mainly they didn’t want to sit and wait on someone to tell them their book was good enough. They believed in their work and was willing to step out and let others make their own judgment.

When you’re dealing with fear, stepping out is the last thing you want to do. You want to keep telling yourself, someone will buy your book. What you’re not telling yourself is that they won’t buy it if you don’t finish it or if you don’t submit it. For years I was that girl saying I’m writing, but not saying I’m not submitting.

I was scared to death to submit my work.

This weekend I realized I was scared to death to self publish it too.

I’m working with a business coach, LaTara Bussey and she said to me, LaShaunda you been working on this book for a while. You need to set a release date. My mind screamed, “are you crazy, no way”

It was easier to say I’m working on a book, than to sit down and schedule my book release.

Am I really ready to put myself out there?

Am I ready to see my dreams come true?

Yes

I’m still scared but I’m not going to let that stop me.

September 9th is my release date.

OMG I just wrote the date.

Pray for me because I’m starting a new journey in my life. I’m afraid but I’m holding on to the Lord’s hand this time. He will guide me every step of the way.

FEAR – get out of my way. I have dreams to work on.

Stay tune, this journey is interesting. Next week I’ll tell you what not to do when you thinking about book covers.

Why did you choose to self publish?

Writing Fears: Choosing To Write

We all have choices. We can choose to watch t.v. every day and not write. We can choose to hang out with our friends every weekend and not write. We can go to the gym or do other things and avoid writing. We can talk on the phone until the wee hours and not write.

These are the choices that we make. As a writer you have to make the choices that are best for you when it comes to writing. You have to decide what is important and what is not important when it comes to your writing. Then you have to schedule a timeframe so you can write.

I’m trying to do better with my own choices. I have let the outside world take over when it comes to my writing. Because I’m not published I sometimes feel like what’s the use I’ll write when I feel like it. However I can’t get to publication if I continue with this attitude.

I have to put myself on a schedule so I can learn what deadlines are and how to meet them. When I do become a published author there will be times I don’t want to write, but I will have to and I no longer have the excuse of I don’t feel like it to back me up.

The procrastination has to end. I have to write. This year one of my goals was to write twice a week on this blog. I wanted to get into the habit of writing on a schedule.

I also created a calendar for working on my manuscripts and its working for me. I can finally see an end. When I didn’t have a schedule it felt like I was writing in circles.

I do have choices and this time I choose to write.

What are you choosing to do that’s getting in front of your writing?

Business Tip: Join Social Medias

When you first start your business, create a business page on Facebook. Create a twitter account for your business and make sure to include your social media information on all your business cards, brochures and flyers.

Invite your customers to join your social media platforms.

Make sure to interact with them, offer them discounts, host contests and keep your customers informed on what’s happening with your business.

Remember to have fun while using social media or you’ll stop when it becomes overwhelming.

Writing Fears: Moving Forward

Fear 3: Moving Forward

Fear is about standing still. Is not about going forward, not moving. It’s about turning back to your old ways, staying in your rut.

This weekend I heard a sermon about I won’t turn back. The minister talked about moving forward and not dying in the place you are. I took it as you have to move forward, learn new things, try new things, to reach your goals.

I won’t turn back, that is my new motto for this year, I will add it to my moving past the fear.

Not turning back is a big part of moving past the fear. Not turning back means breaking out of old habits, moving toward my goals instead of not reaching them.

I don’t want to turn back. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve come through a lot. I know everything I’ve went through is for a reason. Its to teach me to be a stronger person. To teach me I can get through my trials and storms. It also teaches me that God is with me every step of the way. Especially in the fearful ones. He has told us not to be fearful and to lean on him, and even when we don’t understand he will be there for us.

I’m am learning this in my journey past fear. My belief is growing stronger each day. I’m depending on God instead of LaShaunda, because LaShaunda isn’t going anywhere, but with God I can go further and further.

I know that I won’t turn back. I will move forward, and reach the goals I have set for this year.

Are you standing still? Are you sitting where you were last year? You can move forward – BELIEVE.

CURLY SISTER: Toni B

Tell us a little about you and when and why you decided to start wearing your hair naturally?

Mother/grandmother who enjoys spending time with her family. I was tried of throwing my money away on weaves, sew ins, quick weaves , braids etc. Went through my check books and up what I had spent in the beauty shop for these services and said no more. When I told my beautician to wash, condition and cut, she asked at least six time if I was sure. Each time the answer was yes.

What was your biggest hair obstacle to overcome?

None, once I made up my mine to go natural it was a done deal.

What are three products you can't live without for your hair?

My large tooth comb, my silk cap, head band, fancy combs for decoration. Would love advice on a good product to keep my hair moisturized.

What are your favorite styles to Wear?

Combed with a part on the right side so my gray can be seen.

What natural site/blogs so you follow?

Have not followed any.

Any advice for the newly natural sister?

I just went natural on the 1st of February, 2013, so my only advice is to go for it and enjoy.

Do you have a site/blog/facebook to follow?

Toni Bonita Robinson on facebook.

Would you like to be my next Curly Sister? I have slots available for APR/MAY/JUN. Send an email to lchwriter@gmail.com

BUSINESS TIP: Do you have a website?

There are many businesses using Facebook as their home base.  What happens if Facebook crashed tomorrow? How would you get in contact with your followers?

Invest in your own website.  You want your customers to have a place to always come back to.  Create your own space on the net.  Introduce your business, share your contact information and include an opt in mailing list.

Writing Fears - Letting Someone Read Your Manuscripts

Fear 2: Letting Someone Read My Manuscripts

You can’t get to published if you don’t let others read or critique your books.  You have to step out of your comfort zone if you want to move forward.  It took me years of I can’t do that, to letting someone other than my mother read my manuscripts. 

I will recommend finding someone you feel comfortable with and who reads your genre.  You want someone who gets what you write to read your manuscript. I have a few horror stories about critique partners who didn’t get my writing and sent me into writing comas for years.

I good critique group will tear your story apart but will also help you build it up into a book you can be proud of. You have to develop thick skin when it comes to your writing because there will be times when someone reading your stories will not like them. Don’t take it personal, learn from every critique and grow as a writer. Don’t think your stuff is so perfect you can’t improve it.

Yes I suffered from the there is nothing wrong with my book disease a little bit. I think every writer thinks their work is perfect when they first start, however if you plan on continuing to be a writer, you learn that you grow with each manuscript and that means making mistakes and correcting them.

This year I'm focusing on editing the books in my closet, which means a lot of critiquing. I've put on my coat of armor. I'm ready to learn what I need to do to make these books into publishable books.

I’m moving past the fear and moving toward critiques.

Stop by next Tuesday for more about my journey on getting past the Fear.

Did you have a problem with letting others read your manuscript?

What did you do to move past your writing Fears?